New Year Re(solutions)

Let's not beat around the holly bush: 2011 has been a rough year. There isn't a person in the country who hasn't felt the squeeze in one way or another. More than ever, we are feeling the need to take control of 2012 and make sure that it's well, just a bit better. What quicker way to start than by grasping at that age-old tradition of New Year resolutions?

This wouldn't be a bad place to start if, of course, it was not widely understood that we very rarely manage to stick to our resolutions much into February (February? More like January 3rd.) In preparation for this article I did some research. Reading scientific psychology journals is not normally my thing, but it’s amazing how lost you can get reading about what pathetically weak creatures we really are.

Out of those who make resolutions 52% are confident of success and a whopping 78% of us fail. I don’t know about you but 78% seems like a lot to me. I’d hate to think that was representative of our willpower and personal strength as a nation. In fact, I’m so anxious for that not to be the case that I’m desperately seeking for some other reason to explain our apparent weak-willed fecklessness. The only thing I can think of is to lay the blame at the feet of the ritualised tradition itself.

Making New Year’s resolutions is a difficult game to negotiate successfully. You've spent the best part of December telling yourself that you're allowed to eat what you want and drink what you want and spend as much money as you want. You've basically gorged on self-indulgence. You've spent the whole month training in self-satisfaction and greed and come New Year’s Eve you're at the top of your game. Psychologically and physically, you've never been so good at denying yourself nothing. You can't remember a time when you were ever hungry, or without a headache. You've barely slept, you've done very little work and you may not be able to pay next month's bills but it's ok because December doesn't really count. You'll worry about it in January . After all, that’s what the New Year is for isn’t it?

You've spent a month spiralling out of control in so many ways that the opportunity to wipe the slate clean is a very seductive one. I think we genuinely believe that there is some sort of magic attached to the New Year. The prospect of January apparently imbues us with a super-hero complex. We suddenly believe that all the things we’ve spend the last year doing badly and, in fact, the last month doing spectacularly badly (no exercise, drinking, smoking, overeating) are suddnely within our resolute control. The problem is that we are so overwhelmed by indulgence at the end of December that we have an almost psychotic need to get back in control.

The problem is, it's a little like going cold turkey. The success rate is dire and there’s a sense that we’re not really doing it for ourselves. Like addicts, we are being forced into rehab before we’re ready. We’re doing it because we think we should and we all know how well that works out. We even make the same resolutions! There’s no personality in our resolutions. None of really make achievable resolutions. We don’t sit there and say to ourselves, “This year, I’m going to stop picking my toenails and leaving them on the coffee-table,” although I’d be eternally grateful if my husband did. No, we all make these resolutions that are about a)changing whole facets of your personality b) overcoming an addiction of some sort or c) something we don’t really care about but think we should e.g. vegetarianism for example.
In fact, we are so uniform in our resolutions that none of the top ten resolutions came as any surprise at all. In fact, play a little game with yourself. Before you read on, get a pen and paper and write down what you think the ten most popular resolutions are. I guarantee you’ll get at least eight of them and you’ll probably get all ten. That in itself is a little depressing...right?

So, you’ve got your list...read on.

1. Spend more time with family and friends
Now, I don’t know about you but after the Christmas period resolving to spend more time with my family is not top of my list. I love them but I also like to remain sober some of the time, avoid arguments and flatulence from the oldest/youngest and exist in harmony with my kin. This generally requires that our relationships are conducted from a safe distance. Say, 200 miles?

2. Fit in Fitness
While the alliteration is certainly appealing, the reality is that January is the worst time to start exercising. It’s always nut-crunchingly cold which rules out cycling/running/walking, at least with any sense of enjoyment and while gyms are sure to have very alluring deals in place to exploit our unfounded sense of optimism they are generally money-grabbing companies that offer you nothing in return except sore muscles and maybe a verruca or two.

3. Tame the Bulge
Good luck with that. Your fridge will be stuffed full of left over Christmas cake until at least March and those Cadbury’s Roses tins take a remarkable amount of time to get through. Let’s not even mention the Terry’s chocolate oranges and Ferrero Rocher that are inevitably lying around. Yes, you can tell yourself that you’ll put them away until next year. If it makes you feel better.

4. Quit Smoking
As a on-off smoker myself, I can tell you with absolute certainty that there isn’t a smoker in the world that wishes they didn’t smoke. They may not admit it to you, or even to themselves but trust me, in one way or another, this is a resolution that every smoker makes every day of the year. January 1st is no different.

5. Enjoy life more
What’s the alternative? Be bloody grumpy about everything and make a concerted effort to hate life? This is what we call a no brainer and probably something that everyone should resolve to do EVERYDAY.

6. Quit drinking
Yes. You’re right. You should. But you won’t.

7. Get out debt
I will when you do, Cameron.

8. Learn something new
Here’s something: New Year’s resolutions don’t work. Start yours in February. January resolutions are so 2011.

9. Help others
A very worthy resolution and one I find hard to mock without incurring all your wrath but still...let’s get the absence from family, the lack of exercise, the ever-expanding waistlines, the smoking, the misery, the drinking and the debt out of the way first. Once that’s done, I’ll be more than happy to help little old ladies across the street.

10. Get organised
How many diaries/journals have you got lying around that you haven’t touched since January? I rest my case.

How many did you get right? Depressing isn’t it? On that note, I shall leave you with some totally unfounded and unscientific advice to help you be successful in your resolutions.

1.Don’t make them...at least not on January. Wait till the Spring. If you’re looking for new beginnings they don’t come much better than ones that promise sunshine, warmth and the cricket seasons.

2.Make them small...instead of saying I will never eat anything but salad and fruit again try, I will try not to have fish and chips unless it’s a Friday. Or unless I’m really sad.

3.Don’t tell anyone. This is good for two reasons. Firstly, it takes the pressure off. People won’t be constantly asking you how you’re doing or worse, trying to sabotage your efforts. Secondly, when you fail no one needs to know about it.

Good luck people and Happy New Year.

Originally published: www.sussexlocal.net