Naughtie Spoonerisms

With all the hoohah in the press this week regarding James Naughtie’s slip of the tongue, it got me thinking about how what we say can get us into trouble. Not that I think Naughtie should be harangued for his mistake. It was only ever a matter of time before someone slipped up on that potential spoonerism. In fact, it’s possible they only made Jeremy Hunt the Cultural Secretary to see how long it would be before somebody did the inevitable.

As an aside, I remember an ICT lesson at school one day where the teacher had us use a programme that switched the first letter of your first name with the first letter of your surname. Most were fine. My double-barrelled name confused the programme somewhat before it settled on Fat Kitton. Faye Tucker was in more serious trouble.

Of course Andrew Marr, who looks like the kind of naughty schoolboy that keeps half eaten gob-stoppers in his blazer pocket even though he’s 51 (ish), relished the opportunity to repeat the word on air at which point he reminded me a little of a teacher. We always got a small sense of satisfaction at being able to swear at a kid under the pretence of repeating back to them what they’d said e.g. “What was that you just said under your breath? Did you just call me a f***ing b**ch? Straight to the headmaster’s office.”

Amazingly, Naughtie’s not the only one. Home Office Minister Nick Herbet was also at it: “I don’t accept that these are cuts,” he did not say. I wonder if there’s actually a bet going on amongst the old boys. Who can say the C-word and get away with it. Well, as far as the BBC are concerned, nobody. Andrew Marr and James Naughtie have had to issue public apologies and I can only imagine that a lot of people in the BBC Complaints department are racking up a lot of overtime just in time for Christmas…all happily funded by the TV license fee.

But, long introduction aside, how often do our loose lips get us into trouble? From the wayward wife who calls out the wrong name at key moments, or the harassed teacher that calls a child by the wrong name on parent’s evening or the Labour minister who refers to a colleague as a ‘ginger rodent’, the potential for disaster is huge (at least one of those should know better). We never know when our feeble, mortal brains are going to let us down, turn their backs on us and sit back and watch while we stand there humiliated and embarrassed. When you think about it like that, it’s amazing any of us speak before we think…let alone the ones whose job it is to speak out loud.

But before I go…here are some other spoonerisms that James Naughtie could have said...although I still think his is the best.
• The acrobats displayed some cunning stunts.

• Sir, you are certainly a shining wit.

• He fills her soul with hope.

• It's the Tale of Two Cities.

• Have you brought your sleeping bag?

• She is sure pretty.

• Have you seen her sick duck?

• Oh, the suffering of purgery on my soul!

• He's not a pheasant plucker.

• She showed me her tool kits.

• He's a smart fella.

• A hot pie would make me happy.

• Fire truck.